Making the decision to leave family, friends and loved ones and to emigrate halfway across the world is not always easy. Even though the decision may be a positive one, the upheaval and sense of loss can be very emotional for everyone.
For children, the transition can be doubly hard as they have often had no part in the making of that decision and it is imposed upon them. It is critical that parents deal sensitively with the emotions of children in an international relocation if it is to be a smooth and happy one for the entire family.
Induku spoke to an expert on the emigration process specifically in relation to moving school age children. April Remfrey has been an educator in the classroom, has herself moved around between countries with her husband and daughter and now consults with families on how best to manage transitioning from one country and school system to another.
Above all, her advice was to include the children at every stage of your move– they may be able to make some decisions for themselves, depending on their age, or at least have some inputs into some aspects of the relocation process.
Before you move
Preparing your child for your departure is important. Children need time to process the information and to deal with the emotions around leaving friends and familiar surroundings. From the child’s perspective, April recommends using the RAFT strategy. R is for reconciliation – your child should have closure with all the relationships they are leaving behind, even if they were difficult ones; A is for affirmation, making sure that your child gets to affirm all their positive interactions with friends, teachers and other adults and children in their peer group; F is for farewells – allow your child enough time to say goodbye to friends with one on one play dates, special times with special friends and not just one big leaving party at which they do not have the opportunity to say personal farewells. Finally, T is for Think destination – look forward to the new place where you will be building a home and new life and encourage them to be positive.
From a parenting and school point of view, you need to begin to compile a comprehensive dossier on your child’s education to date. School reports written by teachers for parents are helpful, says April, but getting teachers to communicate on the same levels as other teachers is even more important. You need to build up an overview of how your child interacts socially in the classroom and playground, what their learning strategies are, their strengths and weaknesses. Is your child at the grade average, above or below? These are all new questions to pose to your children’s teachers and will create a much clearer picture for teachers at the new school.
If you children has any kind of educational special needs, make sure you have an up to date diagnosis, or report (ie less than three years old) This will be especially important if your special needs child is going into a mainstream environment and requires additional academic and emotional support. Speak to the new school and find out exactly what level of support they are able to give and arrange extra tuition or a counsellor, if necessary.
During
The internet is a wonderful tool to use during the period you are preparing to leave. If you go to your new destination to house hunt, job hunt, or simply to get a better picture of the facilities and local environment and are unable to take the children with you, make sure you take photographs, go onto Google Earth to show them the new house, route to school, the local shops etc. This will prepare them for when they arrive. If you don’t fill in the gaps for them, they will create an image which may be completely inaccurate and unsettling for them when you eventually get to your new destination.
If age appropriate, allow your child to pack up their own room and sort through things to take and keep and items to discard. You may not always agree with their choices, but it’s important to give them ownership of this part of the process.
After
Remember that if you’re moving from the southern to the northern hemisphere the school calendar is quite different and you may very well be arriving in the middle of a school year. Make this into a positive for your child – they won’t get lost in the back-to-school rush, when all the kids are sharing their holiday experiences with friends they’ve had for years. Going in alone, mid term means the attention will be on your child, and that can make them feel special.
In addition to a new calendar, the school curriculum is going to be very different, so unless you’ve stayed, for example, in an international school programme, your child must adjust to new content for some of the same subjects and some new subjects completely. This is where the dossier you compiled from your child’s previous school becomes important so the new teachers are better able to manage your child’s level of achievement.
It’s also a good idea to enroll your child in some extracurricular activities – sports, drama or music so they make friends more quickly with other children that share their interests.
Ongoing
Monitor your child for signs that they are not settling, Try, without too much pressure, constantly to engage them about how they are feeling. Make sure you are aware of any issues around school work and making friends, but hopefully, if you have laid all the correct ground work they will take the transition in their stride.
This is not an easy time for anyone. Remember, the decision to relocate was yours, but the buy in of your children is critical in the success of your move.
Watch this YouTube video to gain more insight on how to prepare for the school transition.
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